the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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