i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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