Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
