The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
