is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
