I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
