She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
