You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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