Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
