All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
