I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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