and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
