why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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