And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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