I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
