I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
