You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
