i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
