My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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