He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My dick has a subreddit
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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