Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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