thus making me awesome and them whores
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
3pm strippers are depressing
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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