ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
