Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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