She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
