moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
