i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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