just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
