I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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