someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
