No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
