we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
