I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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