I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
