Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
