are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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