And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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