you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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