i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize