I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
