sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
