"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
