Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How does one acquire holy water?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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