i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
