Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
