Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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