I'm drive I can fine osifer
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
