Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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