I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
