so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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