I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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