the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
