So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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