My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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