After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
