I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
