All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
