Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
