you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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