i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
