life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I could make wine with my vomit
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
