I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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