Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
