I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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